Bright Spit

Mazahir. 23.
I think in fairy tales and Trip Hop spells.
I'm trying to play with language.

I don’t have many friends, a fact which used to very much bother me, and I’ve never been particularly outstanding in any field with any glowing talents apart from having won a small amount in the genetic lottery. I’ve never had the misfortune of being sick, my face is well structured (not impeccable, but nice) and I’m tall.
The only thing I’m good at is having a skill for metaphor and imagery. But that won’t gain you attention.

I never had a good child, by no means as bad as some of the horrors others have had but nothing as good as some of my friends.
My father is a heroin addict and my mother was arranged to marry him with her parents being too scared to question whether he was suitable. I will always hate them for this. My mother was young when she had me and culture prevented her from protecting me the way mothers should. Thankfully I am not bitter. My father would yell continuously and I could never feel comfortable when he was in the house.
He stole all her jewellery and pawned it for drug money. He stole the games I bought for myself too. My mother and I don’t have much, we’ve both grown up poor.
He used to beat me and drove her to heart conditions.
She finally had the strength to throw him out after he threatened to kill me and my brothers after a fight in which I was no longer too scared to fight back.
I scratched his face and left a gash.
Drawing blood from the face of a tormenter you’ve had for years is indescribable. It was happy for me.

I used to have a very severe eating disorder. To this day I don’t really know whether it was rooted in self esteem issues, my home life or something to just reset my emotions and gain control. Or whether it came from the fact my virginity was taken against my will at 17.

Bulimia is bad for your teeth and anorexia makes your ribs turn to razors.

My manager is foul and I wasn’t all of her eyelashes to fall out.

I don’t like the mentality of martyrs, self pity undoes the sentiment of all your good, and I do try to do some good. I try to be self sacrificing, sometimes beyond my own limits. I think I do it though because I don’t really know what else to do. Self sacrifice isn’t a virtue especially when done just through habit.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and I love my cat very much because he was the first thing in this house that felt like a cage I could love wholly without reservation. Animals are pure in the fact there’s no maliciousness so even when he bites when he’s irritated I just laugh and love him more.

This is the first time I have written something about myself that is direct and isn’t covered in a veil of metaphors to disguise the truth of the meaning behind it.

I don’t have many friends but I guess I’ll do okay.

— 1 week ago with 3 notes

charmory:

this is the most romantic thing i’ve seen all day

(Source: theamericankid, via trungles)

— 1 week ago with 415474 notes
#EVERYTHING IN MY HEART IS BURSTING